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Monday, October 23, 2017

Haunted



Did you ever make a decision that has haunted you? A decision that you contemplate for a few days. Working out each case scenario of if I do this; what will be the end result. You weight the pros and cons, trying to see which side of the question will have the most benefit for you and all concerned. Knowing that whatever you decide you will always wonder if you did the right thing for the right reasons.

Those decisions that when you lay down at night to go to sleep causes your mind to refuse to shut down. All of a sudden, a host of memories start bombarding your exhausted brain. The would have, the should have, and the what ifs. They come back to haunt you. Did you make the best decision or did it cause some harm that you are unaware of but subconsciously you feel might have happened?

I am in the process of cementing a decision that has all the earmarks of a future haunting. I have weighed the options and as much as it kills me to do it, I have to go ahead with my plan. Who needs to worry about being haunted down the road. I am already haunted by what I am about to do. It is one of the hardest things I have had to do in awhile. Unfortunately, I have made a similar decision in the past. And yes, it is one of my frequent visitors.

I know at the time it was the best choice I had but my mind still dwells on what I could have done just a bit differently to keep from being put in the spot where I had to make that decision. I think it has been nagging me because the situations are so close. As with the last time, this time I have run out of viable options. There are more people to take into consideration than the last time. This decision will create harmony where at this time there is discord.

The choice I have been led to make has to do with my Mom’s cat. When she was placed in the nursing home, he was left with no home and he lost the only person he had ever lived with. It was decided to try to bring him into our home. A home that is full of energy from two teenagers, one of which is Autistic. He was surrounded by people and animals that he had never had to deal with before. Where he was once the only cat in the house. Now he was the outsider coming in fresh, to a loss of one of our household cats. To say it plainly the four cats that were mourning the loss of a member of their family, one that two of them had been born just months apart from.

Gizmo
To them my Mom’s cat, Gizmo was seen as the reason that Donny was gone. We walked out one day to take Donny to the vet but instead of him coming home, we brought an outsider. This all occurred in May of this year.I would like to say that they finally grew to accept him, but that would be a complete lie. We called the three kittens: Dominic, Donny, and Neko. They were all adopted within days of each other. Dominic and Donny had been cage mates at the shelter. My brother and sister in law refused to split them up. Neko bonded with them very quickly. Gizmo was considered the enemy from day one of his arrival.

What astounded me was that my timid scaredy cat and the only female became a tigress when confronted with this new male. She absolutely despised him. No more running and hiding as she did with the triplets or our older male. No, she would attack him. And the others seeing the queen of their clowder attacking took it as a trigger to attack as well. Gizmo has been attacked, kept from food and water and even not allowed to use the litter box. If he perchance gets a chance to use it, they then trap him inside and refuse to let him out.

We have had to literally risk injury to pull cats apart, who are bent on killing each other. Dominic was injured badly within a week of Gizmo’s arrival. There have been injuries among the others as well. The last major fight was a week ago. In trying to separate Gizmo and Neko, I inadvertently hurt my baby boy. He has had a major personality change as a result. My brave curious boy is now a sulking scaredy cat who shies away from me when I reach for him. It breaks my heart every time he does that. If it were only one of the house cats hating Gizmo we would work something out but with it being four against one. And Gizmo having no front claws in a house of clawed cats, I have been put in a position where I need to make a haunting decision. I don’t want to but I have to, to save his life.

I have had to make a similar decision in the past.Only that decision, as hard as it was to make,  I knew where my beloved cat was going. This time I know where he is going and I hate the idea so much that it has taken me months to make the decision. I will be surrendering Gizmo to an animal shelter at the beginning of next month. Happy Birthday to me. What a way to start my birth month. Giving my mother’s beloved cat to an uncertain future. And as with that old decision to give up my most precious of friends,  I know that when I lay my head down that night the old ghost of decisions past will whirl around in my mind.

I hope by sending Gizmo away, the cats we share our home with will become the loving, generous souls they were when they felt betrayed by the introduction of an interloper in their time of grief. Some of you will say that animals don’t grieve, those of us who have pets will understand what I speak of. You may ask if it is just the decision to give up pets that haunts me at night. And the answer would be Hell No! Those are just some of the most painful.

I wonder have you my reader ever had to make a decision to give up a pet? Do you regret it? Does the not knowing the future of said pet ever haunt you?

 For the next two weeks, I am going to be trying to find a home for Gizmo, I found a site on the Internet that I am trying. It is called Get Your Pet. They let you post your pet's information and help people looking for a pet find one. They help you with aid in finding homes that really want a pet, not someone who only wants pets to do harm too. I am hoping that someone will see Gizmo’s picture and contact me. I am also posting this on my social pages in hopes that someone who lives near me will fall in love with a cat down on his luck.

Here’s hoping that this decision never comes to fruition and Gizmo finds a new forever home. I will give you an update on next weeks post. I hope that October has been treating you better than it has me. Remember love fully and laugh often. Until next week.


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